Adventures in Ikea Furniture Assembly - the Saga continues...and Ends...

Last time we met I was describing the feeling of utter dread I felt as I surveyed the pile of boxes that constituted my new Karsten sectional sofa...

My elation over the successful order and delivery was now replaced by disbelief.  Surely one cannot assemble an entire Ikea sectional sofa using an allen Key.  And where were the directions anyway?  And why is it, in making them universal they are understandable to no one?  PANIC?

After a few minutes of hyper ventilation I rallied.  There has to be a solution - I can't just leave this pile of boxes in the middle of my living room - it would not be the comfortable nap place I envisioned.  Okay Sharon, you are smart...let's think...

Wait, doesn't Ikea offer an assembly service? I am sure I have heard of this from others...For a few Yuan I could have someone take care of this mess for me.  Excellent.  Now I just have to figure out how to arrange for this to happen...time to call in the team!

Now I am going to let you in on the true secret of my survival so far.  I like to think it is my own feisty independence and sense of adventure but the truth is...my team at Walmart China saves my butt several times a day.  I have 4 of the most amazing women on my team.  They are mostly amazing because of their ability to sort out any weird situation I get myself into.  They write me notes, communicate with my cleaning lady, landlord, driver, delivery people...you name it they organize for me.  I was fully confident they were going to help me sort this.

After a rather long and complicated procedure (involving multiple telephone calls, my driver going to Ikea with some money and my receipt and several more telephone calls) it was all set...on Saturday someone was coming to my apartment to assemble the sofa.  Yahoo!  I can't wait for Saturday!

When Saturday arrived I was prepared.  Because most things in China seem to take a lot longer than I think they should I blocked my day.  I was ready.  I had my team on stand-by to explain any weirdness.  The air-conditioning was on creating a nice ambient temperature for sofa assembly.  I was so excited I was tempted to bake him a cake.

At 9:10 my hero arrived...and spent the next 37 minutes assembling an Ikea sectional sofa by himself.  Even though the instructions clearly show this is at least a two person job (to be fair he did use a drill and an hammer - clear proof of the allen key hoax).  Without reservation I must say this nameless man is my hero.  Like all heroes he achieved superhuman results with seeming little effort...and it looked a little something like this:

Figuring out what Sharon did, opening the boxes and beginning to assemble the sofa

 In go the legs...At least I think that is what he is doing...

 Starting to come together...

Never looked at the instructions once...

 And never put anything together in the order specified on the instructions (I knew it was all a lie)

It even has cushions

It looks like a sofa now...

My hero taking a well earned rest - after just over 1/2 hour of work...

And my sofa is done...time for my nap!

Ikea, the same the world over.

Okay, I have posted some things about my trips to Ikea - like people sleeping in the various beds and the family photo shoot in various "rooms" (actually quite ingenious if you ask me).  Ikea in Shenzhen is certainly and adventure - especially if you don't like crowds.  I have to say though, besides the awesome people watching Ikea in China is pretty much the same as the Ikea stores back home.  They all have the cheap Meatballs (these cost about $2 USD)

The store furniture looks pretty much the same - I don't see any "special Chinese" styles or anything (that is right, a decided lack of gold gilt, frills and Louis the something styles).  And of course they sell tea lights by the thousands (and once again I felt compelled to stock up because they were both cheap and useful...I now own 1 billion tea lights spread across 3 countries).

My main problem with the Ikea in Shenzhen is that they don't speak English or rather I don't speak Mandarin.  And all the signs are in made-up Swedish and Chinese (I refuse to believe that Tord Bjorklund is real).

Those of you familiar with the Ikea model know this lack of sign clarity is not a problem for most shoppers.  You can still find things by their handy-dandy system of aisle/location tagging (see red tag)...if you have shopped one Ikea you can shop them all...as long as you are okay with only buying things with a red tag or off the shelf.  The real trouble comes from the dreaded yellow tag - because we all know this means you have to talk to someone to order what you want...

Now I have to say I was pretty proud of myself.  Using my very limited Mandarin (Hello!), my iPhone and a delivery pamphlet I was able to communicate that I wanted to buy, in the right size (I hoped) and colour (again, I hoped) an Ikea mattress and a sectional sofa.  I was even able to arrange for delivery (after we figured out that it had to be delivered in the next 5 days and I couldn't wait for the next weekend).   I came away from the whole experience feeling pretty proud of myself.  So proud I walked over to the Ikea grocery place (past the long line of people lined up for soft ice-cream and the $1 hot dogs) and bought myself a big bottle of vodka - well, mostly because I could.  You aren't in NW Arkansas anymore girl.  Life was good and I was feeling happy... until they delivered everything...

Delivery day (Wednesday) started out well.  I got to leave work half-way through the day to meet the always huge deliver window on a beautiful sunny day.  Even better true to my awesomeness, the furniture is delivered right on schedule which meant I was going to have the rest of the afternoon to nap on my new sofa.

Feeling pretty smug I open the door to the tiny little Chinese Man single handedly wrangling my new queen size mattress.  Woot - the guest bed is here - I am open for business...Awesome.  This feeling of euphoria lasted about 6.2 seconds...long enough for me to look out into the hall and realize that the Ikea business model does indeed mean you put it together yourself...as witnessed by the multitude of boxes strewn in the foyer.  Crap, I forgot to arrange for someone to put this stuff together and now my new sofa is in a bunch of boxes...what am I going to do now?

After a few moments of dread and nausea I said to myself "Okay Sharon, you are a modern woman and more than capable...You can do this, where is the Damn Allen Key?!!!"

This optimism lasted just about long enough to unpack about 3 boxes...that was when I knew I had a big big problem...

Tune in next time to see just how Shenzhen Sharon solved this vexing dilemma...

Shopping in Shenzhen

Shopping is serious business in Shenzhen.  Shopping Malls seem to be the cultural centres - or at least the place you meet up with friends.  We say things like - Meet you at Coco Park, or there is a new restaurant at MixC we should check out.  Besides lots of shops these malls also feature restaurants & bars (including many popular US brands like Kenny Rogers, Papa John's, Pizza Hut, KFC, Burger King & McDonalds), coffee shops, play areas, movie theatres and, in at least two - skating rinks.

This focus on shopping is understandable really.  China is experiencing an exploding middle class and we are probably seeing the same conspicuous consumption we saw with the burgeoning middle class in North America.  Except this is on a China scale while multiplies everything by about 1 million.  Brands rule here...Gucci, LV, Dior, Coach, Adidas...fortunately they don't need to be real.  A trip to the most famous Shenzhen Mall will quickly show you that.  Louhu Commercial City is the place to visit to obtain any real fakes...even Rolex for $10.  There are other places to buy Knock-Offs but this is the most famous.  It is just across the border from Hong Kong and mobbed on weekends.  For the Shenzhen resident this helps you keep in style and avoid the luxury foreign brand tax.  Besides, as I am often told, they are made in the same factory as the real ones...

Shopping is also an excellent pass-time because of the crazy oppressive heat.  Now, I know you are all going to tell me how hot it is in Bentonville, Toronto, Winnipeg etc...and I will not dispute that.  But Shenzhen is a subtropical, humid kind of hot that is unrelenting in its persistence.  A short walk to the metro station can reduce you to a bucket of dripping, water pouring down your back, sweaty mess.  As they say back home - it's not the heat it's the humidity.

Fortunately our malls here in Shenzhen posses some of the best air-conditioning around.  It makes them a great place to walk around and people watch without dying in the above mentioned heat.  And to partake in the most popular of pastimes...the shopping trip.  Some things I have learned:

1. Aggressive hospitality means something entirely different in China.  If you so much as slip a toe over the threshold of a store you are immediately "welcomed" by salespeople showing you the multitude of wares they have for sale.  Some stores don't even wait for you to come in and have associates standing in the mall encouraging you to visit their stores.  For shoppers like me who appreciate browsing in quiet it is overwhelming.
2. The Promoter is everywhere...Promoters are a bit different in China.  Unlike North America they are not the kindly mother-like woman providing samples of whatever delicious snack they are featuring today (ah, Sunday morning breakfast at Sam's Club...).  These promoters are in every section of the store and are paid by the manufacturer to promote their products.  THese promoters are super good at the aggressive hospitality mentioned above.  Remember how you always wish you can find a salesperson to help you in Walmart...not an issue in China.  In fact I wish they would leave me alone.  I do not need help selecting toilet cleaner or feminine protection (well I do but that is because I don't speak Chinese and that is not the point I am trying to make here).
3. Weigh Stations...this is not some diet guru thing...but it did take me a while to figure out.  Instead of weighing your produce at the check-outs, with the cashier looking up the PLU on that roll thing in front of her, you get your produce weighed at the weigh station while you are in the produce area.  I did not know this at first and couldn't understand why the cashiers kept taking away my produce and not letting me buy it.  I eventually learned in a small store here in Shekou.  
4. Merchandise is not always well thought out and put in logical places (by my US/Canadian Standards).  For instance I encountered a men's wear store that also sold women's purses.  Or they put produce and bakery at the back of the store.  They also put together some interesting displays.
5. It is common to see customers pawing through the bulk rice bins to check the quality of the rice before purchasing it.  They pick up handfuls and let the rice run through their fingers looking to see if it is good.  After witnessing most of the Chinese population openly picking their noses this means I buy all rice in a bag.
6. There are a lot of different kinds of cooking oil...it is big business here.  And apparently it varies by region.  LIke whole rows dedicated to cooking oil...all apparently the same but not.  At least that is what I think the promoters are telling me.
7. Store names are not selected because of the accuracy of the words but more because they sound nice.  It results in weird combinations and made up words.  I am putting together a photo essay on this one.
8. Negotiation is expected in street shops, road-side vendors and the Commercial City mall.  It is not done in chain stores and supermarkets...usually.

All in all I actually love shopping in China - it is great for people watching and I am getting some great material together for my other photo essay tentatively titled "The Chinese can sleep Anywhere".

Whew, What a Week & the art of the Chinese Conference

Just finished a week that saw me attend 2 conferences in 2 different cities (Xiamen & Beijing).  It was a blast although again very surreal as the only (and I am not exaggerating here) white person and almost the only English speaking person at both conferences.

The first conference was in Xiamen for the Chinese Chain Store & Franchise Association (CCFA) and was focused on HR issues in the market.  I also got to attend two "Salons" on cooperation between enterprise and vocational schools to train future retailers.  It was action packed and I actually learned a lot, thanks to my trusty translator Gail.  I even squeezed in a day of store visits.

The second session was hosted by MOFCOM - I am not sure what that stands for but it is a Ministry of the Chinese Government and involves cooperation between Enterprises and Vocational Schools (yep, there was a theme to my week).  This was set in Beijing and was an introduction to so many aspects of the Chinese culture my head is spinning - of course that may also be residual effects of air pollution poisoning.

Some things I learned:

1. It is appropriate to sleep in meetings - the head bob, the chair lean back mouth open or head on the table method are all acceptable - even in the presence of a high ranking government official
2. It is also appropriate to take a telephone call during said meeting.  And talk loudly while doing it. As long as you cover your mouth in an attempt to hide what you are doing.
3. Picking your nose, ears, teeth, pimples, scabs, feet, nails etc. is common practice during meetings - and seems to increase in frequency during boring speeches (a good visual clue for the speakers)
4. Be quick to get the free conference gifts as they will sell out quickly.  In fact, get up during the conversations to go get yours - you don't want to be left out.
5. When you are the only white person in a room or at a conference and/or you represent the largest retailer in the world (I am not sure if these are mutually exclusive) everyone wants to take your picture and will walk up to you during the meeting and take said picture.  This makes being subtle about #2 important if you don't want it caught on camera.
6. Every meeting ends in a group photo.  And people also like to have their picture taken with the only white person/representative of the largest retailer in the world.  So be prepared.
7. You will give out more business cards in 1 day in China than you would in a whole year in Canada/US.  And there is a specific ritual to the whole thing.  I am starting to get the hang of it.  You present and receive the card with two hands.  You bow and make reverential noises while scanning the card.  And then you present your card to the other person.  
8. If you get invited to the dinner after the conference be prepared...but more on that in another blog.

I have to say I was so privileged to participate in these meetings over the last few days - and I really did learn a lot.  Mostly I learned that the Chinese are much more open and friendly than people give them credit for - and they love to LAUGH - which is always good in my books.  Now if I could just figure out if they were laughing at me.